Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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