Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
