so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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