isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
