Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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