in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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