OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
