As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
