Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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