I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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