I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
