Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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