Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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