i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
