i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
