In America we eat man semen.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
