One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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