Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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