You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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