Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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