He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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