Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
