Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
