Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
