so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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