i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
