just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
