when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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