At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
