My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
