We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
