She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
