Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
