the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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