Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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