I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize