he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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