Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
