Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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