i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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