Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
