he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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