If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So vagazzling was a success
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
