and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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