i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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