worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We left an ass print on the piano.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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