how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
