The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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