I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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