you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
try to milk me bitch
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
