Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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