You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
