You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
whose parrot is this?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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