i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
