you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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