biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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