My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
