Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
