There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
