Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
