Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
