Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize