you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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