Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize