I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
