the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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