Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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