I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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