put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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