I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
