wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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