Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
