guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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