No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
