Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
