I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
