So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
